Darth Gaylord: A Collection of Recollections.

The End is Nigh

2010-01-24T00:01:00.002+11:00

Halloa,

24/01/2010 10.55pm (Taiwan time - 01.55am Australian time), I fly back.

To coincide with the end of an era, the end of high school, the end of my trip to Taiwan, I shall also be permanently ending this blog. It will still exist, drifting around online, but no further entries will be made.

Bye!

Dot Point Update

2010-01-15T20:00:00.005+11:00

Halloa all,

I trust that everyone's having fun, doing well, feeling well, not too boiling down there, not too cold to my West, and so on and so forth.

I'm flying back by China Airlines on the night of the 24th of this month, landing in the morning on the 25th, so I shall indeed be returning soon.

Here is a dot point list of things done so far... that come to memory.

Grandpa was baptised 27/12/2009, the last of our family to be, at 88 years old.
Went to the "Carmelite Monastery", which is a Sound of Music style place where the nuns can't come outside. By sheer coincidence, one of the nuns we talked to was an old high school friend of my mum.
Touching dogs game. I see how many of people's dogs (they're clean, and wear clothes) I can touch without the owners knowing. I've touched 16 as of now.
Shopping (not really for me, since I have not needed to buy anything)
Time out with Alison, with whom I met up in Taipei City, and we browsed lots of shops and went to Taiwan Storyland (about Taiwan in the past, around the time our parents were growing up)
Bike riding with my rather beefy uncle and aunt (yeah, eating is good in Taiwan) and cousins, and we stayed out later than we should have and ended up riding back in darkness.
Watching a couple of weird Japanese eating shows, where they have to go to some place and eat everything on the menu.
TV show about a trained dog and trained chimp doing things, with commentary. I am completely serious in saying this show has a spell over people. The whole family just stares blankly, and makes some doofus comments when something happens (e.g. "The chimp broke the eggs! He's ruined his shirt!")
Fixing things around the house with my knife which has proved to be amazingly handy around here, e.g. toilet, drawers etc. Had to buy hex keys to tighten some screws on my grandpa's chair though. Haha they were amazed by the tools 'cause they never saw them before. They commented that they'd been trying to fix the chair for 2 years, and it took me 2 minutes.
Sleeping in til 12 every day.
Tomorrow we're going out to some bustling night market type place.
After that, since there's only about a week left, we'll be helping grandma and grandpa clean the house for Chinese New Year.

That's it for an update!

See you all soon.

Earthquake!

2009-12-20T00:58:00.001+11:00

6.8!

Wrestling

2009-12-19T23:02:00.002+11:00

So, my cousins like wrestling.

I just watched them demonstrate such classic moves as "Face Buster".

Hell yeah.

Arrival + First Infection

2009-12-14T22:51:00.001+11:00

Hello peons.

Internet access is limited here in Trashland™ so I may or may not update infrequently. Of course, "may" or "may not" are the only two options that exist for such a situation, so that was fairly redundant of me to say. The following was typed when I got to my grandparents' place in Taipei, capital of Trashland™.

----

A trip is a word that can be taken through numerous connotations and meanings depending on the way you're using it. Interestingly enough, I've already experienced most of the meanings in the 9 hours it took to fly to this place.

trip [v]
1. To have one's movement hindered by a low lying object.
E.g. "Motherf--- table leg tripped me up, yo!"

I tripped at the airport.

trip [n]
2. Vacation; travelling.
E.g. "Post-HSC is the time when many Asians take a trip back to their Homeland™."

This is the first real vacation that I've taken in 2 years. Yeah, I've probably gone overseas more times than a lot of people, but whatever, shut up, this is my story. Geez.

trip [v]
3. To hallucinate.
E.g. "I'm trippin' balls, yo!"

The thing is, for all the flights I've ever been on, I haven't slept on a plane in maybe 13 years. For some reason, I was really tired this time and managed to fall asleep in that crappy, uncomfortable China Airlines chair. China Airlines does for comfort what Josef Fritzl does for comfort. Anyhow, it ended up being a really feverish sleep in which I was hearing all this weird stuff. Must have been that good old China Airlines food.

Now, I considered writing a Lord of the Rings style update regarding my trip to Trashland™ but of course if I had, I would still be recounting when I woke up and got out of bed. Ok, really, what was Tolkein thinking?

Character: "The orcs are in formation outside our fort! At last we may do battle!"
Reader: Oh yes finally.
Aragorn: "But wait! First let me give a 10 page inspirational speech on why we must fight for our great land!"
Reader: Ah fu--

But I digress. The thing I must ask myself when writing these entries is, "How much of a shit to people actually give?" The answer in my mind is apparently, "30 grams." This, of course, is not a large amount, so I will hopefully not type too much. To digress again, the concept of giving a shit is indeed an interesting one. At what point does giving a shit become detrimental to the situation at hand?

People often complain when they're venting about something, or there is a problem, and no one helps them out - "Goddamn you don't even give a shit!". How far could you take giving a shit, to the point where no one wants you to? I suppose to take it in the literal sense, you could perhaps take a dump, pick it up and hand it to the person, as visual imagery that you are indeed giving a shit. Whether or not said dump was taken in regards to the situation is probably irrelevent at this point. On one hand (the non-brown one), it can be construed as a present. You're offering a poo to a person to show them how much you care about their problem, and that you want them to have a gift to feel better about themselves. On the other hand, it's a poo. Personally I would appreciate a poo as a present, if it was hand-given. Really, I think that says a lot about how dedicated a person is, that they could dump and pick it up with their own hand to give to you. Or they could be psycho.

Either way, I should probably get onto my trip now. Yeah, I couldn't really segue my way out of that one, but I think it is valid philosophical discussion.

Alright so, we took a shuttle bus to the airport, got off, blah blah. Ok, I really can't be bothered typing any more after conceiving the poo discussion, so I'll just list the highlights of today's flight:

1. A curry man speaking over the intercom at Sydney Airport with a thick accent, while also testipopping frequently.
2. Flight was delayed by 40 minutes.
3. Two babies sitting in front of me. They smiled at me, and I played with them until I saw them put their hands in their mouths. I did not play again.
4. Movies weren't great. They had District 9, but I've seen it before. Public Enemies was alright, but it was a little slow and uninvolved for what it could have been, which I think is much the way I felt about The Road to Perdition (starring Tom Hanks, the greatest guy ever). They also had Up but I didn't watch.
5. My first legal drink. Had a glass of whiskey, which was quite nice. I felt fine because I ate before and spaced out the drink a lot, but mum said my face was kind of red. My uncle has a lot of alcohol, so perhaps I may try to slowly build my tolerance here.
6. Annoying weird Asian lady. She kept glaring in my direction, made weird noises, was overall very shameless and disgusting. Typical.
7. Sat next to a monk! He was in full garb and everything. I don't know their stance on entertainment, but he didn't use the screen and stuff... until the end. I wonder if they're not allowed, and he just gave into temptation in the end. I would have talked to him, but I was afraid, and also unsure of if he spoke English or not.
8. Me: [looks at plane's landing gear camera; to sister] Hey, check it out. The camera's picking up lights.
Sister: [points at window] Um, isn't that view better? [we can see the whole damn city out the window]
Me: Oh, yeah. :(

So yeah, we landed and my Uncle Peter picked us up in his Lexus, which is quite a sophisticated vehicle. It's just nice. Shut up any Top Gearers etc.; I don't know anything about cars.

Went back to the grandparents' place, saw all the relatives. My cousins are huge now. 170-something cm tall. I'm still the tallest in the family, but I won't be much longer.

Apart from the above, that's all that really happened. Tomorrow (I think) we'll be giving presents and stuff? I'm not sure. Either way, this trip is feeling better than I thought it would feel, but it'll probably soon crash afterwards.

To do:
1. Get mobile phone in case I get lost.
2. Find out places to go.
3. Tell said places to Alison and Alice.
4. Look for cheap but good computer parts. NB: Avoid dodginess.
5. Eat.

That's about all for now. It turned out somewhat Lord of the Ringsy, but whatever, at least I have a record of what happened.

Will return with more updates. Possibly in more "interesting" form, rather than the standard Kindergarten-esque recounts.

Bye for now,

BEEP BEEP

----

So last night I decided to sleep at 0000 Taiwan time, i.e. 0300 in Australia. I woke up at 0300 to find that my face had been absolutely destroyed by mosquitos. Yeah, it turns out that the room in which I stay is mosquito haven. I am to mosquitoes what doughnuts are to Police.

----

In other news, had a 5 or more course dinner last night at some restaurant. Was quite mad! I ain't going to type much 'cause my sister has to use my laptop for the internet, but yeah.

Keep you all updated, yo.

Closing Remarks for 2009 - Year Edition

2009-12-11T23:55:00.009+11:00

Well, well, well. So I'm flying out 12/12/2009 at 1.55pm to Taipei, Taiwan for some fun times.

Yeah by the way if you remember, Darth Gaylord is dead so I won't be typing like a faggot in this entry... I hope?

A few of you would have read this line already, but I'd like to use my closing night in Australia for 2009 to say some things, you know, since the end of 2009 is like the First Threshold for us, if you remember your Year 7 Hero Archetype work:

So much has happened this year, and I don't really care to recount it all, but I could just run through it in my head. I really don't have much to say about the year itself, but I'm glad that it's over. We can all get on with the rest of our doctory/lawyery lives and live in huge mansions by the sea that has been earned by our healing/prosecuting.

Except me. I'll be homeless because pay isn't as great with Police.

Awesome things have happened in the past while, after HSC, and honestly I've been so enlightened in terms of going out with friends because I never really did it a lot before. My relatives are cool and all, and I want to see them, but I've developed a sense that I don't want to leave Australia because of how much fun with friends I've been having, and how much I've enjoyed their company. To all you reading this, your company is to enjoyment/friendship as Gillette-Schick are to penis size competitions. I.e. profound contributers.

On a side note, I have both Gillette Fusion and Schick Quattro. Hell yeah suckas, NINE BLADES. TEN, counting the small "precision blade" on the back of the Fusion.

Even so, here's a list of thing I've done in the past couple of weeks. I think I've left quite a few events out because there have been so many (infinitely more than I used to do), but here goes:

Gone out with Alan/HTL/James for some LAN fun (we have, right?) killing zombies and shizzle
School Spec (which by the way is being broadcast 13 Dec on ABC1, and 20 Dec on ABC2 SO WATCH)
Seeing Richard playing awesome stuff in his Jazz Orchestra
GOLF. 9 Hole golf with my primary school mates, which has taught me a lot about judging how hard I hit things
Musical Dinner with Jero, Kelly, Danny, Justin, Rohan, Sim + K afterwards which was fun
Seeing Shi Ling and Chi Wai in Castle Hill while Chi Wai played Basketball
Where The Wild Things Are with Alan, Yoon, HTL, Thomas which by the way is such a good movie. Spike Jonze is the bomb. Poor bird guy :'( also. The pacing was slower than I expected but overall, very well written, directed, and the monsters were great.
End of Year Concert, which admittedly was a little tacky but was still enjoyable
LAN with Yoon, Alan, Choi etc. in which I spent more time dying/spawning/watching kill-cam than actual killing.
MOVIE MADNESS! That was a great day! Sharon, and my Baulko/Dural Public buddies Bryce and Christian came over to my place to watch some shittily funny movies (read: The Wicker Man, starring Nicolas Cage, 2006). Overall was a great day of fun times and Sharon fit in surprisingly well with the two guys. We make a great movie watching team and I want to do that again.
Buddha's place for XBox and Wii. And also playing with his dog Isaac, whom I have dubbed 'Elfton Parcheesi', although if I get a dog of my own, I will name him/her that name. Either that or 'La Peste'.
Thurs 10/12/09 - Sharon and I went driving (driving range). I hit out to 150m! Hurrah! Then we went to Burwood shops and homied around, saw Zombieland which was hilarious and good mindless fun, and then had dinner. The last person I see in Australia for 2009 and it just had to be Sharon. Seriously though it was great fun, and one of the better days out after HSC haha.
Got an acoustic bass! Would post pictures of it, but I'll do that after I get a case for it. The length is too long to fit a normal bag/case so I need to order one in after I come back.

And alas today has been spent packing my small bags (I never bring a lot). My bags are like David to the Goliath that is my mum's suitcase.

Anyway, I ought to shut up now and go to bed. The main message of this is that I really appreciate everyone's company, and shut the hell up if you say this has made me a lame wuss. Seriously, I will fuc-----

To reiterate what I said in an email:

In the words of a regional dialect here in Sydney, you guys are all fully sick, mate! Falafel!

Also, I will be blogging from Taiwan, so whoever reads this shit should probably keep on reading to find out about Chris's Adventures in Trashland™.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Hanukkha, Happy Thanksgiving etc. etc. etc. (N.B. Don't bust my ass for wrong dates, because for foreign things, I don't know when they happen)

See you all in 2010, and let's get together to shizzelate next year.

Bzzzeeeet!

Transmission Ended.

End-of-Hiatus Return (Teaser)

2009-11-23T21:22:00.003+11:00

Just a little nudge/teaser to show whoever is out there that this blog still has not died - not that anyone reads this crap anyway.

Big purchase for 2009:

More posts may follow...

A Change of Pace

2009-09-12T23:09:00.004+10:00

Hello,

Back many moons ago, when I first began this 'blog', I had a dream. I had a dream that I could emulate what - moreso, who - I originally wrote as in the blogs I started 4 years ago. If you would like to experience the grandeur of such classic writings, please visit here and here.

But as I found, that persona was too unsustainable at this point in time. Mainly because it was a persona too awesome that it had to be left in the annals of history. According to some, it was too douchey. That is partially true, but it's still fun to read what I wrote 4 years ago. Furthermore, it's also because the persona of Darth Gaylord has fallen victim to a common issue amongst writers who want to continue something many years later.

You see, whenever you write something, you're in a specific mindset. Especially during fiction. Your own writings in your blogs may never change because you might have the same style of telling stories and recounting things throughout your life, but for fiction, that's a different matter. Your style changes over time, and is most likely always influenced by writers you have enjoyed thoroughly, whose work you've read recently. It's always difficult to get into the same frame of mind many years later. An example of this is movies. Dear directors, if you made an awesome movie, please don't ruin it by making sequels based on box office projections. If you want to make a sequel, pre-plan it thoroughly. Thank you.

Alas, the time has come for Darth Gaylord to be buried and left behind. I will however keep the blog title, and occasionally refer to him in my writings, as homages to the enjoyment DG brought me over the years.

For those of you who read my old Windows Live Space, you'll remember that I used to write my blog entries in a multitude of formats (inc. short story, script, etc.). Lately I've been having cravings of writing like that again, which is why I decided that it was time for Darth Gaylord to retire.
And now, to leave the past behind me (hakuna matata), here is a list of things that have happened:

Leaving Cadets
My-grope-ia test
Getting this CD (it is very good):

That is my change of pace; my change of pace I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

A Shop

2009-08-30T20:01:00.000+10:00

Miso Honi.

That is all.

Mail for a Man

2009-08-17T17:55:00.002+10:00

Greetings henchmen,

Today this came in the mail:

Yes, this is the CD that lead to my discovery of the Five Optometrists.

I have not the time nor the patience to take photos of all the bits and pieces that cameth with the package and CD. All you needest to know is that the production value is amazing. Great detail has evidently been put in all the aspects of the CD, including the CD itself which has a cool subversive embossing of the bassists' names.

Upon my arrival to my humble abode, the one that I call my home, I pranced over to the box of mail and retrieved its contents. One of the aforementioned contents was a letter from Commonwealth Bank, and surprise surprise, I have not gotten anything by way of interest. If I recall correctly, the last time I got interest was $0.01.

Anyway, obtaining the CD, I spent a good 62 minutes listening to this on our ancient but good stereo system. It was, for lack of better words, music to my ears.

Be sure to check them out if you want, infidels. Perhaps on youtube or something.

For now, chem beckons.

This is my mail; my mail I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Update from a Man Mk. II

2009-08-14T23:39:00.004+10:00

Greetings,

Updates are as follows:

#1. The situation in Castle Towers has not changed. One of the old optometrists was replaced. What with? What else but another optometrist.

#2. The past week may be likened to the chocolate baby that comes out of a dog's anus. Indeed, it has definitely been phenomenal in its scale of gayness, and I still have three more exams. I suppose it seems tame compared to others though.

I have not much to say.

Those were my updates; my updates I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Message from a Man

2009-08-09T14:36:00.003+10:00

Greetings any readers who may stumble across this,

Just a quick good luck before the inevitability of our doom, AKA examinations.

For a spot of pre-exam entertainment, I present to you the way in which someone kicked my ass. Somehow -- I know not how.

Me: Okay, hang on. I need to go and drain the sea dragon.
Person (I cannot remember who): More like sea worm.

I shall see you all merrily after Exams.

This is my message; my message I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Musings of a Man Mk. III

2009-08-02T16:20:00.003+10:00

Hello once again infidels,

It has come to my attention that Castle Towers has, over the years, become what one might call "a piece of poop". I had once placed much faith in the many shops within Castle Towers, many moons ago, but it seems that the trust I placed in them to continuously have stores worthy of browsing has been betrayed. What do I mean by this?

Castle Towers sold out. And I do not mean that the establishment ran out of things to purchase. I mean it in the sense like "that awesome band gave up their values for commercialism" kind of thing. There used to be many an awesome shop, but in recent times Towers has turned into a distorted, disgusting slush of fashion stores.

My recent escapades on the internet led to my desire to own the SMV album "Thunder", a phenomenal collaboration between three of our time's greatest bassists (if not the three greatest). So I departed from the comfort of my abode and trekked up to the shops. Star trekkin' across the universe. I had previously known that HMV was destroyed to facilitate a clothes shop, but little did I know that it would get worse from there.

As a bit of background knowledge for your comprehension of this atrocity of store rearrangement, Castle Towers already had three optometrists before. I'm not sure if there were more, but if my memory is serving me well, there used to be three (sunglasses exclusive shops do not count). As I exited Sanity, a shop which by no means should be called a "music shop" due to their poor stock, I made my way to good old Castle Hill Records.

As the internet people say, "double ewe tee eff". To my chagrin I discovered that Castle Hill Records had been replaced by another optometrist. So, needing to get a birthday card for my grandpa, I set off towards the news agent. Passing by an old perfume and scented candle shop that used to be there (it used to make my eyes water to walk past), I discovered that the old perfume shop was being replaced by ANOTHER optometrist.

You do not need FIVE optometrists under the same roof. WHAT. I am not even sure if there are more; I just remember that there are FIVE now. I very much dislike the fact that big companies' marketing staff think they know what's "hip" and "cool". "I'm Lovin' It" my ass. The only thing good there is their cream of ice.

The species that was once named "an awesome shop" is now a dying breed. What good is there left in Towers now? EB, Fletcher's Fotographics, Pet's Paradise. The pickings are slim.

These are my troubles with Towers; my troubles with Towers I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

*Future Plan for a Man

2009-07-27T00:20:00.005+10:00

Okay, out of character in this post. This is moreso a self reminding post:

First hurdle: Bachelor of Justice Studies (Policing) from Charles Sturt doesn't do distance education. Need to campaign for that. Bachelor of Policing and Bachelor of Policing (Investigation) do offer distance education, but the website doesn't make the differences between the courses clear, so must find out what's so special about Justice Studies.

Worst case scenario: 3 years of BSc (Adv) Chem at USYD, followed by 2 years of Justice Studies in Bathurst. Then for the first trimester of the third year of JS, shipped to Goulburn police academy. When trimester complete, come back to Sydney as a Probationary Constable and finish third year through distance education. (<-- Only that third year is offered as distance ed, not first two)

Second hurdle: Make sure I can do two degrees from two different unis simultaneously. If not, fight hard for it.

Best case scenario:
2010 = first year of chem
2011 = second chem, first police
2012 = third chem, second police
2013 = goulburn + probationary constable

1st Hurdle: Bachelor of Justice Studies distance ed.
2nd Hurdle: Two degrees simultaneously.
3rd Hurdle: Ensure mum keeps the house in Sydney so I can move back to where friends and family are after Goulburn.

I hope that's all possible. I'm going to fight hard for it if they refuse, because it couldn't work out more beautifully than that for me. RRARARAGHRGAHRGHARHGHGHARRRGH

Update from a Man

2009-07-22T02:50:00.006+10:00

Hello minions and other such expendable villains,

It has been a relatively uneventful holiday, lacking in schemes of an outside-of-house nature. I.e. I have been everywhere except outside this holiday.

Short update. I have added the Juke Box Mk. I to my blog, on the left hand column for you to listen to some tasty tunes. I purposefully loaded it with softer, less hardcore songs so your inferior ears could tolerate what will be played. Ho ho ho. Pansies. But seriously, they're great tracks.

That is all I really have to say for now.

This is my update; my update I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Foresight of a Man

2009-07-03T23:32:00.003+10:00

Here cometh the last of the last of the last of the bivs.

On the morrow at 0550 shall I pick up Alan and cart both of us to school at 0600, to await the arrival of our minions at 0630.

It shall be a glorious end to a fulfilling Cadet career.

Except if I fart and bring some friends, if thou knowest what I mean.

More to follow.

That's all I have to say about that.

Photographs from a Man Mk. II

2009-06-27T22:57:00.007+10:00

Hear ye, hear ye, doth I have more images for thine eyes to be laid upon. These images were uprooted from the great tomes detailing the history of the Earth, from many aeons ago in the time known as "2008". From whence these photos were taken, shall they be returned, and thus they have been scannèd in their true form, to be shared with the world. May their undying value forever be known to the Earth in both their historical relevance, and ability to arouse nostalgia from within thy mind.

These photos were taken with a 1983 Nikon FE2 film SLR. When I had first rediscovered that ancient piece of technology, some time before this musical, I had no idea how to use it. As such, le photographés were all underexposed. Some however, turned out phenomenal to mine eyes, such as the following. Let thine eyes now fall upon that which is known as a segment from mine musical photo collection.

Photograph One:

Yonder doth thou see Benny the Drunk, being supported in a provocative, prostitute-esque pose (as he is), by five of the soldiers.

Photograph Two:

Here doth we see the soldiers posing, resplendent in their red uniforms. Mine mind especially liked how the redness stood out starkly from the desaturated colours of the underexposed picture. How magical.

Photograph Three:

Here stand Richarde and I, in our uniforms of manliness. Mine cape doth drape over mine shoulders in such a warm and wonderful way. 'Twas truly a warm, beautiful felt cape and I should like to possess my very own.

Photograph Four:

Here doth Danny stand, entertaining a bunch of musical chorus members quietly backstage, as the musical doth rage on outside. The chorus members quietly watch on, amused at Danny's antics. Here doth thine eyes see a better result of depth of field that I have done, Danny slightly out of focus.

Thou may thinkest that these photos are of disgusting and crappy quality. Perhaps, dear friends, perhaps you may be true in your word. But in mine mind, it adds a certain degree of character to the photograph. It looks particularly vintage and ancient, adding to its nostalgic value, methinks. But that is just me. Personally, I shall try to devise how to reproduce this sort of quality in a controlled manner.

These are my musical photos; my musical photos I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Photographs from a Man

2009-06-14T13:35:00.008+10:00

Taking a break from what is known as the Studies™, so I shall post some of mine photographs of mine henchman.

Above: Tibu looking white and nice.

Above: Tibu sitting in his nest playing around with the edge. I had placed some Nesting Material™ in their nest before but they just threw it out.

Above: Tibu playing with the little string things connecting the blind.

These are my photos of Tibu; my photos of Tibu I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Musings of a Man Mk. II

2009-06-13T12:14:00.004+10:00

Long have I pondered the secrets of this planet, nay, the secrets of this universe. Many more questions do I have, that must be answered. Fear not, dear minions, for the answers to these questions shall be acquired much like a squirrel acquiring its nuts. Or the Mysterious Stranger acquiring her nuts.

O Bio-logy, subject that is quite the most fun for mine brain right now, how has it come to this that you must pile upon us so many sheets, of so tedious questions? It seems that every lesson of the biologic nature, we are but mere reeds in the face of the storm that is the worksheets you give us to complete. I shall admit that the sheets that have many multi-guess questions be fun in nature, e.g. the Candidiasis sheet, but forsooth the rest of the sheets are as numerous in repetitive short response questions as my room is numerous in dust particles.

Bio-logy, subject for the poor, why must you give us these questions? They are not even well structured questions, where each question chronologically corresponds to a segment within the block of text the questions doth come with. Indeed, the one known as "HTL™" doth highlight th question number, and then highlight the part of the document that matches the answer to the question.

It seems to me, Bio-logy sheets, that you are not truly good worksheets, but merely there for the purpose of hammering information into what is known as our Brains™. 'Twould be much more useful for our learning, methinks, if the questions were more complicated so as to facilitate our brains working, and not just our eyes.

Let this be a lesson to you, Titan Education and McGraw-Hill.

These are my musings; my musings I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Genesis Mk. II - Name Origins

2009-06-12T18:21:00.006+10:00

In the past have I spoken of Darth Gaylord's coming into existence, as the testiment of mine first post doth show, but little have I spoken of the The Beginning of the Darth Gaylord™ name and brand. Thus I shalt relate the story of how this "blog" came to be, for its origins lie not in recent days, but far back in the past. In the Annals of Mankind.

The year was 2002. I was but a wee lad, and merrily did I frolic in the school that was of the primary level. In the days of yore, little had I come across what was then, and now, known as "The Internet". Times were brighter, the workload less, and the availability of Maths Invaders™ infinite. It was the days of what was known as "dial up", so little heard of nowadays with the advent of "broadband" and other such technologies.

AOL was my provider. These were indeed the days when AOL was still seemingly OK. But now no longer. My friends and I, jovially romping through the woods with the butterflies™ and woodland creatures™, had come across what was known as the Blogger™. Mine friend created what was known as the Eternal Shananigan, spelt with an incorrect "a" because in his eyes it was flawless. In retaliation created did I a blog of my own, with which we battled endlessly through text that proved that indeed, the sword was mighter than the pen, and the machine gun mightier than the sword.

Not able to conjure a name of significance towards mine own life, I thought to my obsession of the olden days, what was known at the time as Star Wars. I was indeed a Star Wars geek back then, but only to the extent of however many films had been released at that time. I did not, and will not ever touch upon the extended universe (except in yonder game Knights of the Old Republic, which I still have not finished). Thus, Darth was born. Unable to think of a subsequent name, mine brain opted for Gaylord through lack of ideas.

Merrily did I maintain the old Darth Gaylord blogs until what was known then as "2005". Since the days of yore have I not touched those blogs, and as of a few weeks ago have they been permanently disbanded and taken off the face of this Earth.

Now, with the coming of a new era, has mine blog been resurrected. It is the descendant of what once was, and what will never be again. To honour what was once had, I now write in what I believe is the true Darth Gaylord character's persona. This is the continuation of what was once a dream lived and loved.

That is the origin of me; my origin I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Misconceptions of a Man

2009-06-10T23:42:00.004+10:00

Throughout mine search for the most secret of secrets within the Universe, have I had many a misconception regarding numerous elements pertaining to aspects of the common existence we hold. They were as such:

Thunk "infrared" was pronounced "in-frair-d".
"Mesquite" looks really similar to "mosquito".
That the doctor tied your umbilical cord in a fancy way and then shoved it inside you, as opposed to it shrivelling and falling off.
Thought The Silmarillion was interesting.
Thought the flush in aeroplanes ejected the waste into the air, as opposed to a tank. Also, I shall add that the flush in planes is really scary.
That Compaq was a good brand.

These are the misconceptions of me; my misconceptions I give to you.

That's all I have to say about that.

Musings of a Man

2009-06-07T20:12:00.003+10:00

Ah me, pondered have I the secrets of the universe, but questions more do I have! They are as such...

Oh asian steamed bun, sitting in the pseudo-sauna that is mine rice cooker. You are delicious in many ways yet you still have innumerable flaws. Is it that your Maker made you in his image? 'Twould not then the Maker's image be a piece of filled bread that easily deteriorates and collapses so all the insides fall out? Or is it merely that you are destined to be flawed in such a way, O asian steamed bun?

Why, also, do you become so gelatinous upon water breaching the defense that is your baking paper, steamed bun? Your stickiness and ability to cling to things disgusts me, gelatinous bun. Could all breads be as gelatinous as you? No one will ever know.

Perhaps, O steamed gelatinous asian bun, it is you who was the folly of the glory that was once an Asian empire. Perhaps it was you who reduced China from a continent of marvellous inventions and wealthy trade into a country that produces cheap goods and has wealthy trade. Perhaps the stickiness and ability to stay intact collapsed what was once a great nation. All that we have now to remember China by is the cheap, flimsy, entertaining toys that doth come in mine Happy Meal™.

Would not the secrets of the world lie within the nature of the sticky, gelatinous asian bun? Perhaps it is but a symbol of the world. A delicious ball of goodness that was one grande, but doth now have many a fissure running through its surface, revealing the steaming hot core that it carries. It may be but a demonstration of how the moral fibre of the world is falling apart at the seams, the blood red of the delicious BBQ pork spilling onto our hands. It is the blood that is on our hands. The blood of the murdered moral codes of life.

And so I have asked the asian bun, so too must I question the nature of the game that is Mario™ Forever. Why, oh why, yonder game that lies within the electronics that comprises my laptop, will your sound not turn off? I have selected many a time that I desire the music and SFX that you possess to be silent, so that I may play with mine electronic device un-muted.

But still you play on, Mario™ Forever. Still you play on, shattering my dreams of a world where I may play Mario™ whilst listening to Sister Hazel or some other equivalent jaunty tunes. Shall I ever experience the heaven that is a muted game and entertaining music? No one will ever know.

These questions I have asked; asked these questions have I. That is the word of me.

Realisations of a Man

2009-06-06T16:14:00.005+10:00

Mine knowledge of the Earth is grande in ways that cannot possibly be imagined. My origins began with mere "Knowings" and "Carings" that covered trivial matters, including the 'battle' that was held with the Eternal Shananigan, spelt with an 'a'. From then have I moved on to innumerable realisations of which a few must be published. I realised these realisations in reality, and thus I spake:

Manners in the young people I have seen are in a severe state of degredation that can only be matched by the stinking corpse of a kangaroo that fell victim to vehicular manslaughter. In laymans' terms, it stinks.
No matter how small the chance, the most unfavourable outcome will be the one that comes to you. It doesn't matter if there's a 1% chance of something horrible happening to thyself, but have you not noticed that for some reason you always get the worst result? Probability can go and procreate with itself.
Tiles are a poor choice of winter flooring.
Thin socks are clammy as can be, even in summer.

I was to post a lot more revelations, but I was unfortunately distracted by events beyond my control and as such didn't really continue typing for a while, and now I have forgotten what I was intending to post.

It matters not, for those four points lead to the secret of human existence.

Farewell.

Genesis

2009-05-07T22:08:00.002+10:00

The Beginning

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light "day", and the darkness he called "night". And there was evening, and there was morning - the second day.

And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so...

And God said, "Let the land produce vegetation..."

And God said, "Let the land produce the living creatures according to their kinds..."

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning - the sixth day.

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array.

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he kicked up his heels and reminisced over everything he just created. In hindsight, God saw that it was good, but not quite very good. God saw that there was something missing.

And God said, "This ain't badass enough. There needs to be something phenomenal... something... AWESOME."

AND SO IT WAS THAT DARTH GAYLORD CAME TO BE.