Sunday, January 24, 2010

The End is Nigh


24/01/2010 10.55pm (Taiwan time - 01.55am Australian time), I fly back.

To coincide with the end of an era, the end of high school, the end of my trip to Taiwan, I shall also be permanently ending this blog. It will still exist, drifting around online, but no further entries will be made.


Friday, January 15, 2010

Dot Point Update

Halloa all,

I trust that everyone's having fun, doing well, feeling well, not too boiling down there, not too cold to my West, and so on and so forth.

I'm flying back by China Airlines on the night of the 24th of this month, landing in the morning on the 25th, so I shall indeed be returning soon.

Here is a dot point list of things done so far... that come to memory.
  • Grandpa was baptised 27/12/2009, the last of our family to be, at 88 years old.
  • Went to the "Carmelite Monastery", which is a Sound of Music style place where the nuns can't come outside. By sheer coincidence, one of the nuns we talked to was an old high school friend of my mum.
  • Touching dogs game. I see how many of people's dogs (they're clean, and wear clothes) I can touch without the owners knowing. I've touched 16 as of now.
  • Shopping (not really for me, since I have not needed to buy anything)
  • Time out with Alison, with whom I met up in Taipei City, and we browsed lots of shops and went to Taiwan Storyland (about Taiwan in the past, around the time our parents were growing up)
  • Bike riding with my rather beefy uncle and aunt (yeah, eating is good in Taiwan) and cousins, and we stayed out later than we should have and ended up riding back in darkness.
  • Watching a couple of weird Japanese eating shows, where they have to go to some place and eat everything on the menu.
  • TV show about a trained dog and trained chimp doing things, with commentary. I am completely serious in saying this show has a spell over people. The whole family just stares blankly, and makes some doofus comments when something happens (e.g. "The chimp broke the eggs! He's ruined his shirt!")
  • Fixing things around the house with my knife which has proved to be amazingly handy around here, e.g. toilet, drawers etc. Had to buy hex keys to tighten some screws on my grandpa's chair though. Haha they were amazed by the tools 'cause they never saw them before. They commented that they'd been trying to fix the chair for 2 years, and it took me 2 minutes.
  • Sleeping in til 12 every day.
  • Tomorrow we're going out to some bustling night market type place.
  • After that, since there's only about a week left, we'll be helping grandma and grandpa clean the house for Chinese New Year.
That's it for an update!

See you all soon.

Sunday, December 20, 2009



Saturday, December 19, 2009


So, my cousins like wrestling.

I just watched them demonstrate such classic moves as "Face Buster".

Hell yeah.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Arrival + First Infection

Hello peons.

Internet access is limited here in Trashland™ so I may or may not update infrequently. Of course, "may" or "may not" are the only two options that exist for such a situation, so that was fairly redundant of me to say. The following was typed when I got to my grandparents' place in Taipei, capital of Trashland™.


A trip is a word that can be taken through numerous connotations and meanings depending on the way you're using it. Interestingly enough, I've already experienced most of the meanings in the 9 hours it took to fly to this place.

trip [v]
1. To have one's movement hindered by a low lying object.
E.g. "Motherf--- table leg tripped me up, yo!"

I tripped at the airport.

trip [n]
2. Vacation; travelling.
E.g. "Post-HSC is the time when many Asians take a trip back to their Homeland™."

This is the first real vacation that I've taken in 2 years. Yeah, I've probably gone overseas more times than a lot of people, but whatever, shut up, this is my story. Geez.

trip [v]
3. To hallucinate.
E.g. "I'm trippin' balls, yo!"

The thing is, for all the flights I've ever been on, I haven't slept on a plane in maybe 13 years. For some reason, I was really tired this time and managed to fall asleep in that crappy, uncomfortable China Airlines chair. China Airlines does for comfort what Josef Fritzl does for comfort. Anyhow, it ended up being a really feverish sleep in which I was hearing all this weird stuff. Must have been that good old China Airlines food.

Now, I considered writing a Lord of the Rings style update regarding my trip to Trashland™ but of course if I had, I would still be recounting when I woke up and got out of bed. Ok, really, what was Tolkein thinking?

Character: "The orcs are in formation outside our fort! At last we may do battle!"
Reader: Oh yes finally.
Aragorn: "But wait! First let me give a 10 page inspirational speech on why we must fight for our great land!"
Reader: Ah fu--

But I digress. The thing I must ask myself when writing these entries is, "How much of a shit to people actually give?" The answer in my mind is apparently, "30 grams." This, of course, is not a large amount, so I will hopefully not type too much. To digress again, the concept of giving a shit is indeed an interesting one. At what point does giving a shit become detrimental to the situation at hand?

People often complain when they're venting about something, or there is a problem, and no one helps them out - "Goddamn you don't even give a shit!". How far could you take giving a shit, to the point where no one wants you to? I suppose to take it in the literal sense, you could perhaps take a dump, pick it up and hand it to the person, as visual imagery that you are indeed giving a shit. Whether or not said dump was taken in regards to the situation is probably irrelevent at this point. On one hand (the non-brown one), it can be construed as a present. You're offering a poo to a person to show them how much you care about their problem, and that you want them to have a gift to feel better about themselves. On the other hand, it's a poo. Personally I would appreciate a poo as a present, if it was hand-given. Really, I think that says a lot about how dedicated a person is, that they could dump and pick it up with their own hand to give to you. Or they could be psycho.

Either way, I should probably get onto my trip now. Yeah, I couldn't really segue my way out of that one, but I think it is valid philosophical discussion.

Alright so, we took a shuttle bus to the airport, got off, blah blah. Ok, I really can't be bothered typing any more after conceiving the poo discussion, so I'll just list the highlights of today's flight:

1. A curry man speaking over the intercom at Sydney Airport with a thick accent, while also testipopping frequently.
2. Flight was delayed by 40 minutes.
3. Two babies sitting in front of me. They smiled at me, and I played with them until I saw them put their hands in their mouths. I did not play again.
4. Movies weren't great. They had District 9, but I've seen it before. Public Enemies was alright, but it was a little slow and uninvolved for what it could have been, which I think is much the way I felt about The Road to Perdition (starring Tom Hanks, the greatest guy ever). They also had Up but I didn't watch.
5. My first legal drink. Had a glass of whiskey, which was quite nice. I felt fine because I ate before and spaced out the drink a lot, but mum said my face was kind of red. My uncle has a lot of alcohol, so perhaps I may try to slowly build my tolerance here.
6. Annoying weird Asian lady. She kept glaring in my direction, made weird noises, was overall very shameless and disgusting. Typical.
7. Sat next to a monk! He was in full garb and everything. I don't know their stance on entertainment, but he didn't use the screen and stuff... until the end. I wonder if they're not allowed, and he just gave into temptation in the end. I would have talked to him, but I was afraid, and also unsure of if he spoke English or not.
8. Me: [looks at plane's landing gear camera; to sister] Hey, check it out. The camera's picking up lights.
Sister: [points at window] Um, isn't that view better? [we can see the whole damn city out the window]
Me: Oh, yeah. :(

So yeah, we landed and my Uncle Peter picked us up in his Lexus, which is quite a sophisticated vehicle. It's just nice. Shut up any Top Gearers etc.; I don't know anything about cars.

Went back to the grandparents' place, saw all the relatives. My cousins are huge now. 170-something cm tall. I'm still the tallest in the family, but I won't be much longer.

Apart from the above, that's all that really happened. Tomorrow (I think) we'll be giving presents and stuff? I'm not sure. Either way, this trip is feeling better than I thought it would feel, but it'll probably soon crash afterwards.

To do:
1. Get mobile phone in case I get lost.
2. Find out places to go.
3. Tell said places to Alison and Alice.
4. Look for cheap but good computer parts. NB: Avoid dodginess.
5. Eat.

That's about all for now. It turned out somewhat Lord of the Ringsy, but whatever, at least I have a record of what happened.

Will return with more updates. Possibly in more "interesting" form, rather than the standard Kindergarten-esque recounts.

Bye for now,



So last night I decided to sleep at 0000 Taiwan time, i.e. 0300 in Australia. I woke up at 0300 to find that my face had been absolutely destroyed by mosquitos. Yeah, it turns out that the room in which I stay is mosquito haven. I am to mosquitoes what doughnuts are to Police.


In other news, had a 5 or more course dinner last night at some restaurant. Was quite mad! I ain't going to type much 'cause my sister has to use my laptop for the internet, but yeah.

Keep you all updated, yo.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Closing Remarks for 2009 - Year Edition

Well, well, well. So I'm flying out 12/12/2009 at 1.55pm to Taipei, Taiwan for some fun times.

Yeah by the way if you remember, Darth Gaylord is dead so I won't be typing like a faggot in this entry... I hope?

A few of you would have read this line already, but I'd like to use my closing night in Australia for 2009 to say some things, you know, since the end of 2009 is like the First Threshold for us, if you remember your Year 7 Hero Archetype work:

So much has happened this year, and I don't really care to recount it all, but I could just run through it in my head. I really don't have much to say about the year itself, but I'm glad that it's over. We can all get on with the rest of our doctory/lawyery lives and live in huge mansions by the sea that has been earned by our healing/prosecuting.

Except me. I'll be homeless because pay isn't as great with Police.

Awesome things have happened in the past while, after HSC, and honestly I've been so enlightened in terms of going out with friends because I never really did it a lot before. My relatives are cool and all, and I want to see them, but I've developed a sense that I don't want to leave Australia because of how much fun with friends I've been having, and how much I've enjoyed their company. To all you reading this, your company is to enjoyment/friendship as Gillette-Schick are to penis size competitions. I.e. profound contributers.

On a side note, I have both Gillette Fusion and Schick Quattro. Hell yeah suckas, NINE BLADES. TEN, counting the small "precision blade" on the back of the Fusion.

Even so, here's a list of thing I've done in the past couple of weeks. I think I've left quite a few events out because there have been so many (infinitely more than I used to do), but here goes:
  • Gone out with Alan/HTL/James for some LAN fun (we have, right?) killing zombies and shizzle
  • School Spec (which by the way is being broadcast 13 Dec on ABC1, and 20 Dec on ABC2 SO WATCH)
  • Seeing Richard playing awesome stuff in his Jazz Orchestra
  • GOLF. 9 Hole golf with my primary school mates, which has taught me a lot about judging how hard I hit things
  • Musical Dinner with Jero, Kelly, Danny, Justin, Rohan, Sim + K afterwards which was fun
  • Seeing Shi Ling and Chi Wai in Castle Hill while Chi Wai played Basketball
  • Where The Wild Things Are with Alan, Yoon, HTL, Thomas which by the way is such a good movie. Spike Jonze is the bomb. Poor bird guy :'( also. The pacing was slower than I expected but overall, very well written, directed, and the monsters were great.
  • End of Year Concert, which admittedly was a little tacky but was still enjoyable
  • LAN with Yoon, Alan, Choi etc. in which I spent more time dying/spawning/watching kill-cam than actual killing.
  • MOVIE MADNESS! That was a great day! Sharon, and my Baulko/Dural Public buddies Bryce and Christian came over to my place to watch some shittily funny movies (read: The Wicker Man, starring Nicolas Cage, 2006). Overall was a great day of fun times and Sharon fit in surprisingly well with the two guys. We make a great movie watching team and I want to do that again.
  • Buddha's place for XBox and Wii. And also playing with his dog Isaac, whom I have dubbed 'Elfton Parcheesi', although if I get a dog of my own, I will name him/her that name. Either that or 'La Peste'.
  • Thurs 10/12/09 - Sharon and I went driving (driving range). I hit out to 150m! Hurrah! Then we went to Burwood shops and homied around, saw Zombieland which was hilarious and good mindless fun, and then had dinner. The last person I see in Australia for 2009 and it just had to be Sharon. Seriously though it was great fun, and one of the better days out after HSC haha.
  • Got an acoustic bass! Would post pictures of it, but I'll do that after I get a case for it. The length is too long to fit a normal bag/case so I need to order one in after I come back.
And alas today has been spent packing my small bags (I never bring a lot). My bags are like David to the Goliath that is my mum's suitcase.

Anyway, I ought to shut up now and go to bed. The main message of this is that I really appreciate everyone's company, and shut the hell up if you say this has made me a lame wuss. Seriously, I will fuc-----

To reiterate what I said in an email:

In the words of a regional dialect here in Sydney, you guys are all fully sick, mate! Falafel!

Also, I will be blogging from Taiwan, so whoever reads this shit should probably keep on reading to find out about Chris's Adventures in Trashland™.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Hanukkha, Happy Thanksgiving etc. etc. etc. (N.B. Don't bust my ass for wrong dates, because for foreign things, I don't know when they happen)

See you all in 2010, and let's get together to shizzelate next year.


Transmission Ended.

Monday, November 23, 2009

End-of-Hiatus Return (Teaser)

Just a little nudge/teaser to show whoever is out there that this blog still has not died - not that anyone reads this crap anyway.

Big purchase for 2009:

More posts may follow...